I can do it by myself

Over the summer, my mom digitized a bunch of our old home videos. One afternoon, we all sat around her iPad laughing at clips we hadn’t seen in years. It was wild to see moments and memories from my childhood, but what struck me most of all was how formed my personality was, even at a young age.

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In one clip, I was hula dancing (in a coconut top and a hula skirt) on a beach in Hawaii. At one point the camera shifts to another child, but you can still see me in the corner of the frame, shaking my hips and rolling my arms with complete commitment to the bit. In another video, I’m performing on a makeshift stage at a family Christmas party. In another, I’m cradling my baby brother and teaching my parents how to hold him so that he sleeps well (I’m still notorious for giving unsolicited parenting advice.)

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What struck me most, however, was that from the earliest age (I must have been 3-5 in these videos), I was who I was: unashamed, loud, silly, and confident. Although it wasn’t directly referenced in the videos, it was clear that I was also a child with a very strong independent streak: I could do it by myself.

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So it really shouldn’t be surprising that one of the hardest parts of the Christian life has always been surrender. And I won’t bemoan it because I think it’s been the topic of upwards of 30% of these newsletters to date, but that’s because it is so important – and I know it’s something many of you struggle with too. We live in a world that glorifies bootstrapping, self-obsession, and independence. Any time I succeed, my “determination,” “drive,” or “talents” get the credit. But I also know the exhaustion of feeling like I have to do it all, do it all well, and do it all by myself.

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This week was one of the first times I’ve gotten on my knees to pray in ages. I was feeling frustrated, anxious, and overwhelmed, and I just couldn’t figure out what to do, so I got on my knees and prayed. I surrendered everything back to God, I asked Him to show me how I could love Him more, and I thanked Him for all the ways He has loved me so abundantly in my life to date.

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And, in His good and gentle way, He responded. He didn’t criticize or condemn or command me; He just loved me. He reminded me of how faithful and good He is. And I finally gave Him back control, knowing and trusting that He was and always will be faithful.

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God knows us so well, and He knows our personalities, our weaknesses, and our stumbling blocks because He made us. We don’t have to be afraid to let Him see all of us, even when we’re embarrassed or confused or frustrated, because He always responds in love. If there’s something you’re holding back from God this week, I encourage you to give it to Him, even if you’re scared of what He might invite you into. It’s always – always – for our ultimate good.

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Please pray for me, and know of my prayers for you!

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In Christ,

Jane

​Jonathan Roumie’s commencement address ​

I loved this so much! Jonathan plays Jesus in The Chosen, and he gave the commencement address at Catholic University this past weekend. I really enjoyed his talk!

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Prayer requests

• For the Bell family
• For all those who are grieving
• For an overflow of hope for those experiencing loss

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