Act the way you want to feel
aka how to steal back your joy ❤️
As a quick clarification up top, I want to be very clear: emotions and feelings can be incredibly good. They help us recognize what needs our attention. Fear before a presentation pushes us to prepare more fervently. Happiness from a gift fuels gratitude. A sense of unease walking down a certain street might protect us from danger.
However.
For all the big-emotions girlies out there, sometimes our emotions can take us down.
For years, I felt an inexplicable sadness during Advent and even Christmas. Something about being far from home during such a beautiful season (even though I’m surrounded by an incredible community here) just ached. The holidays also functioned as an invisible yardstick, prompting me to measure change since the previous year. Mixed with cold weather and dark evenings, this season consistently weighed on me.
Until this year.
Right before Advent began, my beloved friend Maureen looked at me and said, “Wow, I love the holidays. They’re my favorite time of year!”
Something snapped inside me. I do love the holidays. They are gorgeous and bright. They bring parties and dress-up and red lipstick and bows and sparkles and gifts and late-night laughter after guests have gone home. December is a glorious month—if I choose to focus on joy rather than perceived lack.
So instead of sinking into a (slightly self-inflicted) despair, I was buoyant. Why? First, because I prayed—a lot—for the grace to be joyful. And second, because I chose to love the season. To give it my all. I wrote handwritten cards to people I love. I cooked big bowls of pasta and served them to the 24 women squished into my living room for a Favorite Things party. I helped plan a progressive dinner, hopping from home to home with my girlfriends.
A bunch of girlies packed into my apartment—pure joy!!
Somewhere between the twinkling lights and laughter, my Advent/Christmas experiment of 2024 inspired me to embrace holidays I once thought lost—including the one right in front of us: Valentine’s Day.
I’ll never forget a few years ago when some girlfriends and I from business school went for drinks in the West Village on Valentine’s Day. I expected to see couples making googly eyes at each other, but instead, the restaurant was packed with groups of women—dressed up, laughing over a big dinner together.
For years, I had avoided going anywhere on Valentine’s Day, afraid I couldn’t bear the sight of others in love while I stumbled my way through dating. But that night, I realized: so many people were out celebrating love in all its forms. There was no reason to hide away.
So how does this week look? My girlfriends and I have a fancy dinner planned for Friday. I got my nails painted bright red. I’ll throw on a pretty dress, swipe on some red lipstick, and celebrate a day devoted to love—the love I am so blessed to have in my life. The love of the Father, poured into me by countless friends and family members. And I refuse (!!) to let disappointment or sadness steal that, because that’s how the devil works: he wants us to fixate inwardly on our longings and disappointments, pulling away rather than leaning into the gifts we do have.
There are so many reasons why Valentine’s Day (or Christmas or New Year’s or your birthday) can be hard. Maybe your heart aches. Maybe you lost someone you thought you’d be spending these days with. Maybe time’s passage feels like pressure, and you’re frustrated you’re not where you want to be.
But the Lord is near!! He mourns with those who mourn, comforts the afflicted, and—most of all—fills us with joy when we need it most. So with all the gentleness I can muster: if you’re feeling down this week, maybe flip the script. Call up a friend or two. Make big, fun plans. Dress up. Paint your nails. Life is far too short to sit and wait for it to be exactly what we want (and, let’s be real, as soon as we get one thing, we’re already onto wanting the next).
There’s beauty in every season. (Even in this one—St. Valentine was literally martyred for performing forbidden Christian marriage ceremonies. Suffering and love are baked right into the holiday.)
Here’s to embracing where we are, right now. God is always at work in our lives. He sees that it is good that we are here—so let’s celebrate that! It’s time to steal back our joy :)
And who knows? While you’re out on Friday night, looking like your best self, celebrating with your best girls, you just might bump into the love of your life. Wouldn’t that be a cute story? ;)
St. Valentine, pray for us!
In Christ,
Jane
What I’m loving lately
Hair scarves are back
My mom bought me this gorgeous hair scarf from Litany (a beloved Catholic fashion brand) and I wore it 4/7 days last week. My favorite style is half up/half down, but I’ve also worn it as a headband and bandana. It’s the “Memento Mori” design, and it’s been a special way to walk through a few hard weeks here (it seems like everyone is suffering something really deep right now). I think I’m going to buy this one next time I think I deserve a little treat!!
The only aluminum-free deodorant that has ever worked for me
This Salt and Stone deodorant was an impulse purchase at Sephora but HOLY MOLEY I love it. I have the “Santal and Vetiver” scent and it smells delightful. It’s not an anti-perspirant, but I’ve tested it through runs and pilates classes and very long days out and and about and I’m very impressed!
What I’m reading
The Picture of Dorian Gray. This book is so, so good. Dorian Gray is a vain man who maintains his youth and beauty while a portrait of himself receives the consequences - growing uglier and older while he stays young. There’s so much to gain from this book, but this time this quote stood out to me: “It was his beauty that had ruined him, his beauty and the youth that he had prayed for. But for those two things, his life might have been free from stain.” How often is it the very things we pray for that could hurt us the most, if God allowed them? This book is a quick read and I highly recommend it!
Prayer intentions
For those who were killed in the plane accident, many of whom have services this week
For a special intention