Confessions of a grumpy bump
and the God who wants all of us
I have been grumpy bump today and I figured I’d just lead with that, so please read on with ~grace~. I am feeling tired and irritable and frustrated and impatient. There are internal and external contributing factors, but overall I’m just a little grumpy.
I do not like to be grumpy, and it’s a state of mind / attitude I try to get out of as quickly as I can. This can be accomplished by going for a run, talking on the phone (except when I use that phone time to rant instead of connect, oops), going to mass, reading, walking, listening to music that I love, or just closing my eyes. In fact, I have a little “joy list” on my phone that I refer to in my (infrequent but annoying) grumpy bump moments:
One of the most frustrating parts of being a grumpy bump is that the people around me don’t often know how to respond. I don’t need them to say “You’re obviously right and everyone else is wrong,” because that simply enables my grumpiness. I don’t need, “When I was in this situation, XYZ happened and it was all totally fine.” And I really don’t need, “You’re being a little dramatic about this.”
Often (read: always), when I’m a grumpy bump, what I actually need is Jesus.
I need to sit with Jesus and share my heart — all the parts: rational, irrational, hinged, unhinged, those with credence, and those that have come out of nowhere. And Jesus, Who knows me and loves me and doesn’t get offended by my grumpy moments, always brings me back to the truth: I am loved, I am held, I am provided for, and He is good.
I have friends who are going through really hard stuff and have said to me, verbatim, “This is not big enough to take to God.” Girl, if you saw the things I take to prayer, you’d think again. I’m almost always tossing things up to Him, and many of those prayers / comments / requests are embarrassingly small. But I truly believe that’s exactly what He wants, all of us — unfiltered, and totally trusting.
Yesterday, on a long flight to my client, I pulled out my rosary and prayed. I offered each decade for a different situation in my life and in the lives of those I love. I was honest and open. And when I said Amen, I was awash in a peace I hadn’t felt in days.
You see, my grumpiness arises when things don’t go my way, when I’m disappointed and hurt, and when I come face-to-face with my lack of control. And Jesus, in those moments, can wrap me up and embrace me like no one else.
I hope you’re not in a grumpy mood right now, but maybe you are (or maybe you will be at some point in your life). God promises us great joy. He loves us. He wants the best for us. And He always receives us with love, mercy, and goodness. He’s truly the only One who can take my grumpy heart, hold it out in front of me, and make me laugh at how ridiculous I’m being. And that’s a good friend (and God) to have.
Pray for me, I’m praying for you!
In Christ,
Jane
What I’m loving lately
I love the universal church.
I have attended Mass in four different states over the past two weeks, and I’m just so so grateful that we can receive the Eucharist no matter where we are. I’m especially blown away by the two 6:45 and 7am masses I’ve attended in the last two weeks and how many people are there at that crazy early hour! It makes me so happy.
Suscipe prayer:
This prayer (written by St. Ignatius of Loyola) has been a baller for me this week. Highly recommend:
Take Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will, all that I have and possess. Thou hast given all to me. To Thee, O lord, I return it. All is Thine, dispose of it wholly according to Thy will. Give me Thy love and thy grace, for this is sufficient for me.
Little delights
I’m spending more time in airports now and I’ve been simply delighted by how many people I’ve run into on my travels! The world is on the move, people. There’s also something fun about making friends on planes and in lines, and I’m trying to do a better job of keeping my headphones out so I can be truly present.
The theme of this week is big prayer
Fr. Mike’s homilies are always good but this one really knocked it out of the park. Very, very good!
Dorothy Day has inspired me to actually read the Collect
I don’t often pay much attention to the Collect (the prayer the priest offers at the beginning of mass) HOWEVER I read a reflection from Dorothy Day and she shared that she loved the Collect so I’ve started paying attention, and it is very good. Here is yesterday’s:
Will I become a record girl?
My hotel room this week has a record player and I have never really played with one before but I LOVE it! There are records all over the hotel so I went on a treasure hunt and picked out a jazz album and the OG Evita cast recording. “Don’t Cry for me Argentina” sounds incredible on a vinyl record. Maybe I have just unlocked a new personality?
Prayer intentions
For Mary and Sarah during their birthday weeks!
For a friend’s husband who is converting
For a special intention