See the fireflies
Little reminders of His love
Since returning from Australia, I have found myself needing a lot more quiet time than usual. I feel like my brain is a whole jumble of disparate thoughts, and at least once a day I need to sit myself down, take them out of my head one by one, lay them down on the table, and sort through them. I’ve never really been a person who likes a lot of quiet or alone time, but I found this is truly the only way for me to sort things out at the moment.
Last week, on a particularly helter-skelter day, I decided to take myself for a walk. I put my headphones in my ears so I could talk to God out loud and passersby would think I was on a phone call (my pride cannot imagine people thinking I’m actually crazy enough to be walking around talking to God out loud, although I’m sure they’d enjoy it.) As I strolled, I let it all out: my emotions, thoughts, questions, and even a few complaints. Once it was all out, I continued my walk in silence. Then, I saw something glittering in the grass.
I stopped and fixed my gaze on the field. Slowly at first and then all at once, fireflies began to rise out of the grass. As a California girl, I cannot express how magical I find fireflies. They make absolutely no sense to me, but they bring tears to my eyes when I see them because I think they are so glorious. In that moment, I knew that God was responding to me through those little bugs. He had heard everything I had to say, and knew I had a lot on my mind, and responded by giving me something I loved.
I've been reading “Abandonment to Divine Providence” this summer and it is incredible. A major theme of the book is that God provides for us in the present moment. At every single moment, He is loving us and working in our lives. The book lays out reasons that we miss God's Providence, and a major one is that we often look to other people, to books, to quick explanations, to spiritual directors and therapists, to friends and family for answers, when God is standing before us offering us something so personal and individual that we will miss it if we aren’t present.
“Jesus is sent to us as a Master to whom we do not sufficiently attend. He speaks to every heart, and to each He utters the word of life, the only word applicable to us, but we do not hear it. We want to know what He has said to others and do not listen when He speaks to ourselves.”
Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade, Abandonment to Divine Providence
My temptation is often to pop on a podcast or pick up a spiritual book or get a friend on the phone to work out what I think God might be doing in a certain situation. But over the past few weeks, this increased silence has allowed me to hear God in ways that provide so much more consolation and grace than anything I could find elsewhere. Now, if I pick up a book or see an impactful devotional, I'm able to pause and discern if this is something God is saying to me or if this is something that I can receive and then put aside because it's not relevant to me right now.
I am feeling more and more convicted that the noise of our world distracts us from the things we are called to do. And I'm doing my best, although it's very hard, to keep my eyes on Jesus and what He is asking me to do. I'm grateful to have good and wise counsel in my life, I am blessed to have the Church and Her wisdom to guide me, but I also know that the Lord knows my heart and is always trying to access it. Can I let Him do that?
So, what are your lightning bugs? What are the little things that God gives you to remind you of His presence? Maybe we can all the time this week to seek out reminders of His personal, intimate, constant love in the quiet we can find.
In Christ,
Jane
What I’m loving lately
Don’t sleep on Annapolis
I popped up to Annapolis this weekend for a bachelorette celebrating my friend Laura! Annapolis was so dang cute and we had a wonderful day out on the boat and running around the town. I'll definitely need to get back soon!
St. Mary’s Church
My friend and I attended mass here on Sunday, and I saw all of my devotions lined up along the front: Jesus the Good Shepherd, St. Jude, the Sacred Heart of Jesus, Our Lady of Perpetual Help, and the Wedding Feast at Cana. It was another little wink, like the fireflies!
Sunday's Gospel was so good! I absolutely love the multiplication of loaves and fishes. Something that stood out to me this weekend was how the apostle sprung into action because they were afraid, they wanted to make sure people had things to eat (a good instinct!!). In fact, they demanded that Jesus send people home. But the Lord in His goodness always has a plan. What a great reminder!
Trader Joe’s GF chocolate chip cookies!!
I was so blown away by these they are so good! Sea salt gluten-free chocolate chip cookies, 12/10 cannot recommend more.
A fantastic reminder about Envy
Let’s hear it for the people pleasers
One of the complexities about praying to grow in a specific area is that the Lord will definitely provide us with opportunities to do so! This past weekend I was presented with two attractive opportunities that I knew in my gut were not the right things for me. It would've been so much easier for me to go along with it and make other people happy, but I said “no!” It still doesn't feel that comfortable to hold my boundaries, but I'm proud of it, and I know my future self will be very grateful that I did not sign up for things I do not have capacity to do well right now!
Prayer intentions
For a special intention
For a friend’s healing
For peace