Get out of the way
About three days after arriving in Sydney, I went out for a run. It was a bit ambitious, given how little time I had before I needed to leave for work, but I jetted out anyway. About forty minutes in, I hit the Harbour Bridge and quickly realized the only way I’d make it back within the hour would be by renting an e-bike and zooming home through the city.
The problem (and it remains a problem) is that I am SO CONFUSED by which side of the street the cars are on. I know they drive on the left, so if I just stay straight, there are no issues. Unfortunately, most routes I take involve a turn. To date, I have about a 40% success rate in choosing the correct side.
That morning, I picked wrong. A bus driver, unimpressed, laid on his horn (unusual in this city) and yelled, “Get out of the way!” I frantically pulled my bike onto the sidewalk, calling back, “I know, I know, sorry, sorry!” before taking a moment to get my bearings.*
That experience pretty much sums up my two weeks here so far: trying to do the right thing and somehow ending up in the way. In the three days I had to prepare for this trip, I envisioned attending run clubs and young adult events, making friends in coffee shops, and effortlessly building a vibrant social life. Instead, each time I planned to go to a run club, a meeting popped up on my calendar or the skies opened in torrential rain. And for the last two weeks, I’ve had to work late on Thursday nights while the Cathedral’s young adult group meets. My “plans” have fallen through — over and over again.
But this weekend, on a rainy Saturday, I attended the Catholic Women’s Network’s Lenten Retreat, hosted with the Nashville Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia (we loveeee them). I walked into the church with a single mission: make a friend. Scanning the crowd of 700+ women, I tried to find someone to latch onto, but nothing clicked. After Mass, I considered sneaking out to Starbucks before the session started. Instead, I felt a pull to follow the throngs of women toward the conference hall, where (because Jesus loves me) there was a coffee cart with a full espresso bar. I paused my scheming and hopped in line.
As I stood in line, a group of gorgeous women slid in behind me, and we struck up a conversation. It turned out that one of them had grown up in Northern California! As we waited for our coffees, I blurted out, “Hey, can I sit with you guys?” Without hesitation, one of them responded, “Oh yeah, you’re with us today. Let me get your number in case we get separated!”
I know it sounds so simple, but if you’ve ever been in a situation where you’re desperate for a friend, you’ll understand how I felt in that moment: seen, cared for, and welcomed. I spent the day with them, sat beside them in Adoration, and later that night, we met up for a drink, where, over yuzu negronis in a Sydney nightclub, they shared their stories of God’s goodness.
These women are about ten years older than me. They married young and have kids in their tweens. But on that day, we had so much more in common than not. Each of them had encountered the Lord profoundly, and their lives were deeply marked by His goodness. They took such an interest in me, in my story, and after two weeks of mostly interacting with work colleagues, it was so refreshing to be truly seen, known, and loved — even by people I had just met.
In one of the early talks, Sr. Susana spoke about the importance of getting out of the way and allowing the Lord space to work. I’m a woman with lots of expectations, plans, dreams, and hopes. So often, I don’t allow God the space to move unless He smashes my plans and forces His way in (though, to be clear, He doesn’t do this because He respects my freedom, even if I imagine He maybe gets frustrated with the lack of space I offer). He often has good things in store for me, but I can’t help but get in the way.
My time in Sydney has revealed my weaknesses in some overwhelming ways. I’ve realized how much I rely on the identities I’ve constructed for myself — “social,” “big community,” “busy” — and now that they’ve effectively disappeared, I’m in a building phase. It’s strange walking into a room with hundreds of Catholic women and not knowing a soul. Spending a Sunday wandering the city alone, eating three meals (also alone), and doing whatever I please with nowhere to be, it’s so out of my comfort zone. Even phone calls or texts, my usual ties to home, are complicated because everyone at home is asleep during the majority of my day! My personal phone practically goes on a silent retreat from 3pm to 11pm every night. It’s unnerving!
I’m not complaining (“whinging” as they say here). This is the experience of a lifetime, and I’m so grateful to be here. But it’s also one of the hardest things I’ve done, and I’m learning just how dependent I am on the Lord and His providence.
I don’t have a specific invitation for you this week, but maybe you can recognize in my experience the ways in which you’re getting in God’s way. Perhaps you’re so focused on providing for yourself that you’re not allowing Him to care for you. Maybe you’ve built identities that feel central to who you are — identities that go beyond your truest, unchanging identity as a beloved daughter of Christ — and it’s time to let go of those and anchor yourself in His truth. Or maybe you’re living in a city where they drive on the "wrong” side of the road, and you just need me to tell you: it is NOT worth it trying to bike on these streets.
As we enter into the last half of Lent, please know of my prayers for you. We are in the desert with Him! Anything He strips from us enables us to be freer to run towards the greatest joy, hope, and peace we have: God alone.
Have a blessed week!
In Christ,
Jane
*Don’t worry, Mom, I am not risking my life on bikes anymore, (at least not in the street)!
What I’m loving lately:
He knows what He is about.
I love this prayer, which I was reminded of during the retreat this weekend. Beautiful.
God: 1, Airpods: 0
On Sunday, I was using my AirPods (I let myself use them on Sundays during Lent), and I dropped my case in the church courtyard. I didn’t think much of it — until I realized a few minutes later that they weren’t in my case, or my bag, or my pocket!! I ran back to the courtyard, and there they were: soggy in a puddle at the feet of St. Joseph. Point taken, Lord. AirPods… see you at Easter.
In: Stumbling upon apparition sites
On Friday, after work, I took myself to the beach. As I was leaving, I decided to wander up the hill a little bit. The path forked, and so I asked the Holy Spirit which way to go. I felt a little prompting to take the scenic (e.g., long) route around the walkway… and stumbled right into a Marian apparition site? Apparently Mary appeared on this fence for days in a row in 2003, until someone vandalized the fence one night. There’s a big devotion to her here (the Marian Apparition of Coogee!) I had absolutely no idea about this, nor did I have a clue that I was right next to it! What a gift. Thanks, HS!
Also in: dry cleaning
I live in a hotel at the moment, which means that in order for my clothes to get clean, I have to send them out for laundry service. Let * me * tell * you * my clothes have never looked so good. My favorite white blouse came back cleaner than the day I bought her. My dresses are clean and pressed, my blazers look spic and span… I finally get it. Treat yourself and get a couple of your favorite pieces dry cleaned. It has been a delight to me ever since my pretty clothes returned!
Prayer request:
For a special intention
For all those looking for jobs
For the people of Myanmar and Thailand after the devastating earthquake