I’ve been thinking a lot about “giving until it hurts,” which goes along nicely with Jesus’ words in this past weekend’s Gospel: “Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.”
Giving until it hurts has looked different in different seasons of my life. I had a mentor in college who encouraged me to begin giving 10% of my earnings (very meager sums from my coffee shop job and college tour guiding) to the church and charitable causes. When I protested that I didn’t make much, she told me, “You think it’s easier to give 10% when you’re making more, but it’s not. It’s always 10%. And the more you make, the more that is. Start now.” I’m not demanding you give 10% of your income to the church, but it was an invitation that was good and important to me — and also one that hurt (and still continues to). But I know that everything I have is a gift from Him, and it’s His providence that provides more than I need!
This week, giving until it hurts took a new shape. At least, that’s what I felt this morning when my alarm went off at 6:30 – calling me up to prayer and then mass and the Monday morning breakfast for our local homeless community where I serve. To be clear, this breakfast is the joy of my week. I love it so much. But man, waking up after a long and busy weekend and getting there has been getting tougher and tougher.
This morning at breakfast, as I stood against the wall, sipping a very strong, very hot coffee, willing my eyes to stay open, I realized: in this season, THIS is giving until it hurts. I wanted to be in bed (truly would have given anything to be in bed) but at this moment in my life, the greatest gift I can give is my time (very rare) and my sleep (also rare). So instead of sleeping, I was there, in a room of people I love and am so blessed to get to see each week, being reminded that my life is not about me.
Our priest’s homily this weekend was so good, especially for a Gospel as hard as this one (HATE your parents? Your family? What is Jesus saying here?!) But our priest explained it to us like this: We cannot truly follow Jesus unless we let go of our ideas, our plans, our grasping at what our life “should be.” And that hit. I re-read The Great Divorce this weekend, and that book will just knock me around, as it reminds me how easy is it to idolize a person or idea or accomplishment or possession, so much so that we say to Jesus, “I love You, but I love this more.” As C.S. Lewis says, in a book PACKED with great quotes,
"There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, in the end, 'Thy will be done'."
So today, as I drink my third cup of coffee, I rejoice knowing that my life is not about me, that this cross (of exhaustion, of things not looking like I would make them look if I were in charge), is a great gift because I’m getting to live the life that He desires for me. And the fight, the one that’s really making me tired, is the fruit of me fighting what He’s doing. So this week, I let it go and I give it back to Him. Lord, I’m sleepy and I need You to take care of everything!!
Are you giving until it hurts? If so, praise God. If not, what scares you right now – is it the idea of giving up your time, money, or talents? Maybe that’s His invitation. And in these moments, I’ve been reminded that there is nothing I have offered to Him that He has not returned to me far more beautiful, abundant, good, and free than it was when I surrendered it.
Let’s take that to prayer together.
In Christ,
Jane
What I’m loving lately
What I’m reading
Two books right now to re-recommend (I’ve shared them before but I’m back in them!!)
The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis. A glorious allegory about the journey from hell to heaven. I love it. Every time I read it I see myself in another one of the “ghosts.” What really got me this time was the idea that “pity” cannot impact a soul in heaven anymore — that the actions that bring others down have no impact when they’re with God!! Food for thought.
I Believe in Love by Fr. Jean D’Elbee. This is a stunning retreat based on the work of St. Therese of Liseux. I’ve been in this during my morning prayer for the past week or so. It’s beautiful — easy to read, but I have to stop every few pages to just sit with its goodness.
I was in the market for a new black bag, and this one has been really impressing me! I don’t love an open bag (with no zipper) but I adore the structure and design. It also fits under a plane seat! I’ll report back again on this one in a few months.
Speaking of “I Believe in Love”
A stunning quote from the book:
What joy to be able to say, "Oh, how right I was to believe! I believed, and He surpassed all my hopes." We see only the links in the chain one by one, without seeing how they are interconnected. The day Jesus allows you to catch a glimpse of the whole golden chain, the marvelous succession of events, you will thank Him and bless Him. And what is incomparably more beautiful is to thank Him and bless Him before having seen — breaking through misleading appearances by these words alone: "I do not see, but I am sure of You. I believe because I know who You are; I know whom I have believed"
There she is…
I had some friends over last night to watch Miss America and it was such a great time. While it’s been a handful of years since I “retired” from my Miss America days, I still love watching the show and it’s extra fun to bring other people into it — my friends and I had a ball scoring everyone, debating the placements, and cheering the girls on. Watching Miss America makes me feel probably how football watchers feel about their teams and games (except I only give up one night a year for my sport). Anyway, it was a ton of fun and a reminder that sharing the things I love with other people is always a good idea!!
Prayer intentions
For a friend beginning the Camino this week!
For three friends in Italy for the canonization of Sts. Carlo and Pier Giorgio
For Fr. Charlie on his birthday!