Nine years later
What it takes to feel fully yourself
Memorial Day in DC is very special to me — not only because it’s a day to remember and honor those who fought for the freedoms we hold close as Americans, but also because it’s my DC anniversary! On this day nine years ago, I arrived in DC for the beginning of my college internship. It was the first time I had lived in a city on my own, my first “big girl” job, my first experience spending substantial time on the East Coast. It might sound dramatic to say that that summer changed my life, but it did. It gave me incredible friendships, priceless memories, and the confidence that I could experience unbelievable adventures if I took leaps of faith with the Lord.
This past weekend, I returned to DC after a beautiful week with my family in California, and two months away in Australia. As soon as I came outside to take my first walk through the neighborhood, the smell took me right back to that magical summer. I know it will get humid and mosquito-y so soon, but right now it’s perfect. With that deep breath, I felt the joy that DC brings me — seasoned by years of joyful memories but also the hope of a fresh summer, a new chapter here.
Over the past few months, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to feel fully myself. Is it about where I live? Who I’m with? The work I’m doing? When do I feel most alive, most me?
I’m not totally sure. But on Friday night, as the car crossed the bridge into DC, emotion welled up in my chest. I felt it so clearly: I’m home. I hadn’t realized I’d been carrying around a weight, but I felt it palpably melt off my shoulders as the car wove through streets I know well. My mind flashed back to that summer when I was 21—walking the halls of the White House, chasing fireflies, visiting monuments with friends who are still some of the closest people in my life, shaking hands at events I had no business being at, and going to daily Mass at the Cathedral where I still attend today (I’ve probably been to Mass there even more times than my hometown parish!) That sweet, sweet summer laid the foundation for building a home in a new place, with new people, for a new season.
And as much as I love the places in this city, it’s the people who have made me feel like I’m home.
Yesterday morning before Mass, the priest was lighting candles on the altar, when he saw me and ran down the aisle to say hi. “Jane! Where have you been? I was just asking about you yesterday!”
I’ve run into friends on the street who wrapped me in hugs and told me how much they missed me. I honestly didn’t expect anyone to have noticed I was gone (life moves so fast here) but the embraces and teary-eyed “we’ve missed you!” moments have meant more than I can say. I feel so, so loved.
So, I think feeling fully myself takes a few things. Yes, a home that feels like me. Yes, people who know me and make me laugh and remind me who I am. Yes, routines that empower me to be healthy and active and well-rested. But most of all, it takes peace, the kind that only comes from God. The peace Jesus talked about in this week’s Gospel: “My peace I give to you… not as the world gives.”
That’s what I felt coming back to DC, coming home. A “peace that surpasses understanding.” It’s a peace I’ve tried to manufacture for myself more times than I can count, to no avail.
We all have plans. We can chase good things. We can strive and stretch and hope. But that peace, that quiet, steady assurance that I’m where I’m meant to be — it comes only from Him. And the beauty is, He uses people and places and ordinary little moments to share it with us.
Who knew I needed to go to the other side of the world to learn to fully appreciate the gift of my life right here? The fruits of my time away have only just begun to blossom, but I know that God is doing a new thing and bringing good things from it.
So now I ask you — when do you feel most fully yourself? Is it in a certain place or with specific people? How does God use your circumstances to offer you His peace?
In Christ,
Jane
What I’m loving lately
Rest for your soul: a summer of renewal podcast
How many times will I share a podcast/article/quote about Sabbath before I finally commit to doing it well!? Hopefully this one is it! But truly, I loved this episode for many reasons, especially the distinction between Kronos (human time) and Kairos (God’s time). Living in God’s time frees us to live in such joy and peace! That’s my intention this week.
Au revoir Sezane
My favorite pop-up in DC closed yesterday, but I was able to run over one last time and get this super cute tote! I love love love a brand that is consistent — and Sezane’s products are so dang cute and fun and consistent!
“Go ahead” — Sunday’s Magnificat reflection
Embroidery girls
My mom saw these cute embroidered jeans and was determined to make them — so she ordered this set off of Etsy and got to work, and then taught me how to do it! It was one of the most satisfying projects, and so leisurely. Highly recommend embroidery if you’re looking for a little creative activity this summer!
Carmel is a dream
Because I couldn’t be apart from an ocean for more than 48 hours, my mom and I took a little trip to Carmel-by-the-Sea to visit our favorite place AND visit my friend Kristen who welcomed a baby girl four months ago! It was an incredible time, we also stopped by the Carmelite monsastery for mass and put our intentions in the wall. I love having those sisters praying for me and my people!!
Prayer intentions
For two special intentions
So glad to have met you all those summers ago!!
So beautiful! Thank you from Oregon.