Presence and attention
Can someone please locate my attention span and return her to me
I do not know what has happened to my attention span.
I can’t tell you the last time I sat down and watched a full movie without pausing, checking my phone, or doing a household chore at the same time. I spent nine weeks in Australia and completed one (1) book. This weekend, I was at a friend’s house for dinner and literally pulled out my phone to check emails (so boring) instead of being present in a conversation with her face-to-face. I do not like that I do this.
And it’s not supposed to be this way — I know that, because I find so much joy and peace in actually going deep into something. It’s why I love going to the theatre; for 2-3 hours, I don’t pull my phone out because that would be rude and the other theatregoers would shame me. It’s the reason that daily mass is the cornerstone of my day: 30 minutes, no distractions. Nothing fills me up more than a long, good conversation with a friend. This past week in Tahoe, I finished three books — one on each of my flights to and from California, because I left my phone on airplane mode for five hours each way. And in reflecting on this, I don’t think it’s an attention problem. I think it’s a priority problem. Why am I allowing myself to be pulled in so many directions at once?
Part of it is that I’m so used to being accessible all day, every day. When I left my phone in my dad’s car as we floated down the Truckee River for four hours, I felt a skip of anxiety in my heart. Was I really going to do this? What if someone needed me? What if there was an emergency?! No mention of the fact that my family was present with me, and we were all floating together. And if there was some emergency, how did I plan to exit the river and get there? Eventually I determined that any emergency would have to wait, and my phone took a nap in the car. It was scary, but then it was freeing.
The biggest casualty of my waning priority / attention is my prayer life. I’ll sit in silent prayer for a few minutes, hear nothing, and then pick up my phone to scroll. I’ve become quicker to turn to ChatGPT to solve my problems than God — because ChatGPT spits out a three-step action plan in 5 seconds, while the Lord needs a bit more time to communicate to me. Which responses are of higher quality? Attuned to my unique, personal heart and circumstances? We both know the answer.
So what’s the solution? I think for me, it’s setting boundaries and expectations to protect times of prolonged attention. For example, a few years ago for Lent I wouldn’t check my phone until after I prayed in the morning, and I put it down at 9pm. Those protected hours were sacred — they enabled deep, focused prayer and time to unwind before bed.
I think it’s also found in remembering that I want to be a woman who shows up and is completely present to those I love. And I can’t do that if I’m reaching for my phone in the middle of a conversation or getting distracted by fleeting thoughts when I’m being invited to love and show up for the person in front of me.
Finally, it’s also a byproduct of the nonstop nature of our crazy schedules. My evening prayer is sometimes the first time I stop moving and experience silence, so why am I surprised when that silence is quickly filled with things I forgot to do, people I should call back, and tasks I need to check off? Increasing silence in my day has been a way for me to let those things bubble up organically and not during time that I’ve set aside for prayer.
In summary, my goals are:
Set boundaries around phone time in mornings / evenings
Remember who I want to be (a woman who treats everyone with respect and honors their time and presence)
Make time for daily silence
Clearly, I’m not doing it perfectly, but acknowledging the problem is the first step (right?). And I know this is a path I want (and need) to walk.
So what about you? How is your attention span these days, and if you’re struggling like me, do any of the above ideas resonate? Or have you found other ways to stay present? Please comment below, I’d love to hear!
In Christ,
Jane
What I’m loving lately
The Way of Love
My song of the week, I love it.
This is Emily Wilson’s new book, and it’s a play on The Screwtape Letters but for modern women. As a devotee of C.S. Lewis and major fan of the original, I was a bit cautious about this, but I’ve been delighted by it so far! I think it would be a great book club book.
Played this game with my family in Tahoe and we are all obsessed. It’s very simple, and I love that you win (and lose) all together. Highly recommend for game nights among friends and family — even my grandmother liked it (or at least she was a good sport)!
I liked this video - a common topic for conversation recently among some of my friends and I, and I thought this was a beautiful (and well timed) response!
Abandonment to Divine Providence continues to rock my world:
Do not ask me, I only know one thing, and that is, to remain immovable in the hands of my master, to love him, and to endure all that he inflicts upon me. As for the end for which I am destined, it is his business to understand how it is to be accomplished; I am as ignorant of what he is doing as of what I am destined to become; all I know is that his work is the best, and the most perfect that could be, and I receive each blow of the chisel as the most excellent thing that could happen to me, although, truth to tell, each blow, in my opinion, causes the idea of ruin, destruction, and disfigurement. But that is not my affair; content with the present moment, I think of nothing but my duty, and I endure the work of this clever master without knowing, or occupying myself about it.
— Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade
My new phone background, thank you Tahoe!
Prayer intentions
For Grace and Justin, getting married this weekend!
For a special intention
For a friend looking for a new job