As I approach the close of my time in Sydney (less than two weeks!!) one of the questions I've been asking God is "How do You want me to remember this time?"
It's slightly better than my usual "Why?!?!?!" to Him in situations that are confusing or not what I expected.
This time in Sydney has been good — this city is beautiful, the beaches are gorgeous, the people are so fun — but it has also been pretty darn hard. I've come face-to-face with a lot of my own limitations: a tendency to put my identity into my work, agony around being misunderstood, wrestling with pride, bouts of loneliness, and utter lack of control. It feels like every single one of my weaknesses has been on display in spectacular fashion.
So, naturally, I want to know: Why?
This has been an adventure and I know I'll look back on it with so much gratitude, but as I close the chapter, I'm desperate to have a clean, easy one-liner that explains it all. And I don't have that.
I was explaining this to my best friend, Erica, who is in town this week (yay!):
Me: "I just want an easy answer for when people ask me how Sydney was - I want to be able to say something that makes sense."
Erica: "Why?"
Me: "Because I want to be able to see, right now, exactly what God was doing and why He did it and explain that in a clear and pretty way."
Erica: "We don't often know the reasons why in this life."
Oof, Erica strikes again. And, she's right.
It reminded me of my prayer this morning:
"Therefore, we are not discouraged, rather, although our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to what is seen but to what is unseen; for what is seen is transitory, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
I'm a girly who likes the things that are seen!! I like to touch and feel what's going on. Sometimes God, in His goodness, reveals the gifts in the unknown quite quickly. I can look back on all sorts of challenges and see His abundant gifts.
But there are some stories that are harder to decipher. That doesn’t mean there isn't good. It doesn’t mean He's not in them. And it definitely doesn't mean they weren’t important. But, as Erica reminded me, it may just mean I'm not meant to see the whole picture quite yet.
So as I wrap up my time in Sydney, here's my new question to God: "Lord, can you please show me how You’re loving me right here, right now?"
Instead of grappling with a big question that I don't have an answer to, I'm going to focus on all the little joys of this city that God is generously providing: my best friend, here for a week of frolicking. Daily masses available at almost every hour. Prayer in my room as the sun rises. An awesome Pilates studio. Long runs under the Harbour bridge. Texts from friends at home who are excited for me to return. The sunshine. The ocean. The incomparable coffee. A spritz under the Opera House.
It’s often in the little things where we can become most aware of His personal, intimate providence.
I'm going to miss this special place and know that all of its gifts will continue to reveal themselves — the ones that are seen, and those that are not quite seen yet.
In Christ,
Jane
What I’m loving lately
Nothing Else by Forrest Frank
I love Forrest Frank - “Your way’s better” and “No Longer bound” are some of my favorites. This song has been such a good mood picker-upper this week!! I highly recommend this one (and all his songs, honestly.
Getting our colors done!
My bff Erica is visiting me in Sydney this week, and this past weekend we went to get our colors done!! I've been talking about doing this for almost a year and it was SO fun to do it with a friend! I am a "true spring" and Erica is "light spring" - in case anyone wants to buy us pretty clothes :)
This book is a banger. Erica reminded me of it this week and woah, Jacques Philippe is always on point. I’m especially loving the reminder that our circumstances do not have the power to impact our freedom; with faith, hope, and love, the horizons of our own hearts and minds and spirits can enable us to be truly free, no matter what we’re facing.
I truly believe that one of the achiest feelings we experience on this side of heaven is being misunderstood. A friend reminded me of the Litany of Humility this week, and while I still think it's the hardest prayer ever, it's also incredibly powerful. I know that my own pride is often the source of my pain, and this prayer helps me name and release it, while inviting God’s grace into those difficult places in my heart.
Prayer intentions
For a special intention
For a friend in a difficult season
In gratitude for my friend’s new job!!
For the conclave, for the Cardinals select a new pope wisely
I believe there’s a reason for everything, and perhaps what God meant for this season is for you to spend time in the country of your birth. To experience all it has to offer—the breathtaking beauty of Sydney and New South Wales, the joy of sharing it with friends old and new, and the quiet thrill of discovering hidden places to eat, reflect, and run.
We are made for meaningful work—the kind that challenges us, stretches our minds, and even makes our brains ache. But it’s that very effort that deepens our gratitude when we reach the other side. :)
"It’s often in the little things where we can become most aware of His personal, intimate providence." This STRUCK me - how beautiful!!!